Mama, I Just Killed A Man
by Montague Disciple
Summary: Battle Royale vol 7 canon, songfic to  part of  Bohemion Rhapsody. Mimura's thoughts as he is dying. Not the cheeriest subject, but hey, Battle Royale isn't the happiest manga either. T For language muchacho. PLEASE R&R!  For 'showers' read 'shivers'


ATTENTION, EVERYONE. HI GUYS! AND THANKS TO BJ FOR POSTING THIS. IT DEVIATES A LITTLE FROM MY STANDARD FARE, BUT I FIGURED THAT HUNGER GAMES TO BATTLE ROYALE WAS A NATURAL PROGRESSION… APOLOGIES IF THIS IS CRAP.

RIGHT A LITTLE MESSAGE FROM BETHANY JAYNE, (SORRY MD) RIGHT THE MICROSOFT WORD GRAMMAR THING IS SHIT. IGNORE IT. YOU KNOW WHERE MD PUT 'APOLOGIES IF THIS IS'. WELL MICROSOFT WORD SEEMS TO THINK IT SHOULD SAY 'APOLOGIES IF THIS ARE'. NOW I MAY BE SHIT AT ENGLISH, BUT I STILL THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE.

DISCLAIMER: (BACK TO MD'S POV NOW) MY MIND IS NOT THE ONE THAT CONCEIVED OF THE IDEA FOR BATTLE ROYALE, UNFORTUNATELY – ALTHOUGH HELL KNOWS IT'S TWISTED ENOUGH! ANYWAYS, ENJOY, AND PLEASE DON'T FLAME.

_Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?_

_Caught in a landslide_

_No escape from reality_

_Open your eyes_

_Look up to the skies and see_

_I'm just a poor boy_

_I need no sympathy_

_Because I'm easy come, easy go_

_Little high, little low_

_Any way the wind blows_

_Doesn't really matter to me_

_To me_

Eat it, Mim. Eat the pain. Even better, pretend it's not there… believe it's not. This can't be real, after all. Just a nightmare – just another of those nightmares you never told anyone about. None of this exists. Not the pain, not the programme, not that bastard Kiriyama-

No, no, don't scream, don't ever let him hear you scream. As if you had the breath to spare. So tired… so much blood … who knew there was so much in a human being? Christ, Mim, cut it out. You're starting to sound as psycho as – ah, SHIT it hurts…

Stay frosty, Mim, stay frosty. What would Unc say, if he saw you giving up so quick? Listen to him. Keep those eyes open, kid. Take a good look at the guy with the Uzi. Semi-automatic hand-held death. It's got 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Children' written all over it. So whose bright idea was it to let the psycho get his hands on a machine gun? Note _machine_… it's like he's a robot or something. No emotion - just kill, kill, kill. Not like the others, the twisted ones enjoying the slaughter. No. He's completely empty.

Know what? I pity you, Kazuo. Isn't that a laugh? I'm the one lying in my own blood and _I_ pity you. So, so talented – you could have done anything had it all. But instead there's nothing there. Where did you go, huh? When did you stop caring? Of course it doesn't matter. You're the one shot me up, fuck you. Shot me up good. From behind, like the coward you are, Kiriyama.

_Mama, I just killed a man_

_Put a gun against his head_

_Pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

_Mama, life had just begun_

_But now I've gone and thrown it all away_

_Mama, didn't mean to make you cry_

_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow_

_Carry on, carry on,_

_As if nothing really matters._

Keita saw it coming, at least. Got a warning 'n' all – CRAP! What am I saying? I _killed_ him. Screwed up big time. Let myself get drawn into the programme... and what did all that crap back at the school mean? All that defiance crap? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Because I… I shot him, Unc. I stood there and shot him stone cold… and for what?

I murdered someone because I wanted him to go away. Well, whatever time I have left – and let's face it, that ain't much – I won't spend it on my own. Keita isn't going to leave me now. Or ever.

I murdered someone because he didn't want to die alone. Got your wish, didn't you, Keita? Sorry I'm not gonna be around to give you a proper send off…

I murdered someone because of a grudge. Because of a Coke. Payback for pettiness, that's all his death was. So what's worse? Pulling back from a fight or shooting someone through the head? Dumb question, Mim. Dumb, dumb question.

No, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. And you, Shinji Mimura, are the worst of all. Too stupid to live. Appropriate, then, that your name is due a mention on the roll–call from Hell.

Thing is, I'm not the only one. The world'll keep on turning without Mimura, but … I'm sorry, Yutaka. Midget 'n' me, we had such a great plan. Could've shown those government fucks, Unc, could've shown 'em once and for all. Shown them that no-one keeps Shinji down… well, except for an armed sociopath with no morals and less humanity…

But instead of sending the bastards to whatever hell they can con their way into, I got us all killed, didn't I? Keita… Keita should've joined us. Wouldn't have slowed us down much. If I hadn't… if we'd moved off…maybe Kiriyama…

_Too late my time has come_

_Send showers down my spine_

_Body's aching all the time_

_Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go_

_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

_Mama, I don't want to die_

_I sometimes with I'd never been born at all_

Oh God, oh God… SCREW YOU KIRIYAMA! Eat the pain…eat the pain… Ah Christ, too much, too much…oh God, it hurts…

And what the fuck are you still here for? Enjoying the show? No, of course not. Go watch someone else die already! I'm done, don't you realise that? Time's a-ticking, Kiriyama. My time, so why don't you just sod off and get somebody else? Someone, anyone – we're all the same to you. Targets. Objects of passing interest. Does it really matter who goes first? We're all gonna die sooner or later.. oh crap, crap, sooner, please sooner… _hurts_…

But whoever you get Kiriyama, I know they won't let you win. Shuuya, Sugimura – take out who you like (it's not as if I can stop you now anyhow) but there's no way you'll get passed those two. Not like you got passed me. Nah, Shu won't miss. Shoot for the moon, Elvis. One step ahead of the game…

It's not a fucking GAME! You're playing – playing perfectly, playing just like Yonemi wants you to – and people are dying, Kiriyama! Shit, these are kids you've known since _kindergarten_, and you just kill them without a care. Sick psycho fuck. I hope you really suffer. Nice 'n; slow… gut wound maybe? I know what I'm talking about here. I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, MOTHERFUCKER!

Do you even feel pain, though? Will you realise when you're dying? Will you know when you're dead? Or maybe you're dead already –

SHIT! Christ, it's _killing_ me… ha. Yeah that's right. Killing me. I know when I'm beat. I missed my chance… missed the clutch shot. Unc… it's up to Shuuya now…

Ah, the pain! Crap… can't stand it… can't… stand…it…

Help me! Please? Somebody help me… I don't want to die! Oh God, please…

I was meant to take you down with me, Kazuo! How the hell did you… the bomb…Yutaka's Revenge… not even a bloody _bruise_…

Unbreakable, that's what you are. The fucking Unbreakable Kazuo Kiriyama. But the rest of us, we're not invincable. We hurt and we bleed and we die like _animals_… why? What was the point? My whole fucking life, just for this bullshit?

Every day leading up to this one. Every basketball game, every Gershwin song, every friend and enemy I made, every chick – sorry Unc, every girl – completely meaningless. Oh _shit…_

See beyond yourself, Mim, see beyond yourself.

_Nothing really matters – anyone can see_

_Nothing really matters_

_Nothing really matters_

_To me_

God, I get it now! This death – mine – is in the place of someone else's. Who knows? Maybe Keita wouldn't have been my last –

But I can't think like that. I'm dying so somebody else – Shuuya, Noriko maybe – won't have to. Because that means someone else can win – and while it won't be me, it's sure as _hell_ not gonna be YOU.

And beyond that, what matters? Nothing, Nothing… really… matters… anymore… Don't worry, Unc. I'm coming. Yep – one Shinji Mimura, frosty to the bitter fucking end, comin' up right now…

Oh, and the rest of you?

Adios Muchachos, motherfuckers!

P.S To anyone who has quibbles with the westernised language – why don't you try finding the Shinto equivalent of 'Oh Christ' ? I also have no idea what they'd call nursery.


End file.
